There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
