Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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