I like to think it a success when the cops are called
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
