If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize