i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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