Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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