I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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