Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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