It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
