You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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