She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
