I wish my penis had an off switch
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
