He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize