i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
