shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
