Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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