My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
