I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
