Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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