Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
