I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
