i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
