Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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