Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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