Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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