I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
