PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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