Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
