I have demons in me.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
