part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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