i barfeds in our rink
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize