none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
