There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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