I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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