TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
