Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize