First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
