Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
