how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
