Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
