ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
