got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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