dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
