talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
