my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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