i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
