Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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