You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
