I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My ATM looks so different sober.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up under a house in Key West
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