I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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