I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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