idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
