I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
