apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it hurts more in the daytime
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize