I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
birth control should be required to get into college
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
