just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm at about main and main street
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
