We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
as a side note pls kill me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
