can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
