Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
