She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
