If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
