I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
