Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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