im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize