My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
