Tell her she can't have a vagina
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
