I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
