well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I didn't notice because vodka
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize