it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
