Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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