Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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