I puked a lego.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize