Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
