the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
