Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
