I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
