when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
