Need sex. Gaining weight.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
