Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My bed smells like the plague
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
