Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
