the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
