she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The power of my boobs compel you
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
